A drop fell on the apple tree,

• +..psyche


• +..Hey Colossus


• +..Gnod

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With two women now, Theos’s personal life was twice as complicated, if not more so. Having been taken by Theos as his new “consort” in tantric sexual practices, Helen expressed a certain amount of guilt and apprehension about the affair with Theos, who would secretly visit her in New York when Ganna was out of town. Her guilt often manifested in her dreams as anxiety that “Madame” would “find us,” though Helen felt comfortable that at “the worst she would kick the B.F. out of her house.” The secrecy, however, was taking its toll on Helen emotionally, and she began to reveal herself to be far less gullible and manipulable than many of the other women Theos had dealt with before. Joining him for dinner one evening, Helen tried to get Theos to make some concrete plans for their relationship together, such as when he would break with Ganna Walska—and her money. Instead, she was disappointed by his evasive attitude. Remarking the next day on their conversation and “things that were left unsaid and which I read between the lines,” Helen felt he had made it quite clear that He was going to stick to his present situation and he certainly was never going to go to work for a piece of tail because in order to have that one had to support a woman and pretty soon that wore out and what did one have of lasting value? . . . I’m sure [Theos] has no idea that he conveyed those sentiments between the lines . . . he’s fighting being carried away by his own sexuality. . . . Somehow I’m beginning to understand the male reaction but I don’t understand what it is that he fears or sees. Still, Helen couldn’t help feeling that Theos would be interested in pursuing a more substantial relationship with her if she “could support him . . . even humbly which is his concession.”
Hackett, Paul G.. Theos Bernard, the White Lama